I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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