You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
