Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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