Screwed.edu
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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