it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
