It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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