I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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