no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
