I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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