i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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