Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
