She said her name was "party"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
