see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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