T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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