"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
