I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
