I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize