a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
