Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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