and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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