yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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