i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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