my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we're making bets on your personal life
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
