What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
