I just cut my nipple shaving
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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