My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
