she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize