pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
