You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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