Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize