he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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