he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
