So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
