just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
