I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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