and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
