I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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