You just made me feel so damn special
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize