This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
