How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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