It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
