I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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