put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
