his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
