i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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