Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
