I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
