He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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