He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize