there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
