As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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