I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
