This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
