I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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