She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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