i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
