Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
