i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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