i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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