i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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