some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
