You're completely useless in the revolution.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
