Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so fucking centered right now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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