Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
