I CAN MOONWALK!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
