She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize