I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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