OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
