Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
