Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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