This is not my ceiling
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
