dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We don't watch enough power rangers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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